kicknack

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Showing posts from July, 2026

sitting in the childrens hospital with this harsh reality that children come here due to abuse from their parents

the clean band

emptiness then compassion as in for the field we all share. oneness, in the emptiness and the only way to freely resolve all the pain in the world is through compassion

if im unable to give the world lacks. focus on your body. focus on yourself

u have to tell people about the abuse. includong your brother.

the feeling of bwing ashamed for anyone to meet my parents. a nauseated feeling sickness whenever getting closer to the house. a contrast between nice families. at school terrified dizzying around teachers

learned to keep silent

furbies

pissing your pants in ballet class. eager to chat with my friends but not me.

something happened in the computer room.

always daydreaming as a child. exact stories of my future life

drugged and raped.

the art show u did where all u did was scream then walk into another room slamming the door was about being raped. how you called for help and no one came to help you. then they just walk away or u dissociate by walking into the other room

i screamed for help when i was raped. no one helped me. maybe she knew. in the bath in a bed . naked in the backyard.

cant tell my brother what ive been experiencing. how im overcoming shame. as he may trigger that its not real.

you grow up getting use to feeling acared. ypu unconsiously searched for it. it made you feel aafe. hanging out behind fences houses alley ways as a kid. addreanline junkie. my brother cant face it but out of love i told him the truth and he will face it when he is ready

i have planted the bodhi seed for my brother

sexual shame to feel horny. like in bdsm getting tied up and paralyzed would be like getting raped as a child. what actually deeply turns on u r afraid of. like u probably are afraid that you enjoyed some aspect of it as a child. you are ashamed of feeling sexual. to provoke any kind of sexuality.

my brother is acting concerned when i consider wesring tight leggings. ashamed of seeing his sister in tight clothing

you didnt trust yourself for decades due to the abuse. so every thought u had was considered in doubt. self doubt. so u never believed the signs. but everything u feel is true

to be that afraid as a child you had to dissociate and move above you. leave your body while it was being raped. its the only way you could deal with something with so much terror as such a small child.

dream. i am going to live with tiaki. leaning to make a techno set. a man is holding me. i clean the entire house, make a pastry dough. a storm is coming. i move blankets around and decide to live in this house

no shame ritual

my unconsious is full of incest. too disgusting to bring up

shame takes away your whole life. you disspear your blind. what will it taje you to realise it knowing that you are resoposible the everyone. the fight over shame is no longer about just you

your personality shiftr aound your family freaks u out

walking around like you cant breathe. dissociation. tight chest. not feeling deserving to feel life. to express joy with others be in my body like i dont deserve to. that is shame. have to fight it surrender. relax into it knowing for the sake that js beyond just u. how we are conneced through the source. the collective

with men in relationships acting so desperate loss of self unable to say no when obviously knackrred

my brother acting like a woman sense of self

inside emotions then in your body then to the external. awarness at thoughts before they identify in the body and became the manifast u created..

dissociation stops you from realising the truth. used to hide

all the voices like thoughts that you have are telepathy.

you onlt get as much as you give. your inside dissociation is outside lack