Posts

dream. goong to a house in a hil where eile are utting on a no bbq show. lots of strange fluids and mayerials are oured oj me. itskind of like food or vomit. each section its own theme. they are from new zealand. mostly young boys. at tge end of it they give me a cd a comlimation of songs based on the materials thrown on me. it is set on top of a hill. ⁰red slash a

stay strong survive freedom

sitting in the childrens hospital with this harsh reality that children come here due to abuse from their parents

the clean band

emptiness then compassion as in for the field we all share. oneness, in the emptiness and the only way to freely resolve all the pain in the world is through compassion

if im unable to give the world lacks. focus on your body. focus on yourself

u have to tell people about the abuse. includong your brother.

the feeling of bwing ashamed for anyone to meet my parents. a nauseated feeling sickness whenever getting closer to the house. a contrast between nice families. at school terrified dizzying around teachers

learned to keep silent

furbies

pissing your pants in ballet class. eager to chat with my friends but not me.

something happened in the computer room.

always daydreaming as a child. exact stories of my future life

drugged and raped.

the art show u did where all u did was scream then walk into another room slamming the door was about being raped. how you called for help and no one came to help you. then they just walk away or u dissociate by walking into the other room

i screamed for help when i was raped. no one helped me. maybe she knew. in the bath in a bed . naked in the backyard.

cant tell my brother what ive been experiencing. how im overcoming shame. as he may trigger that its not real.

you grow up getting use to feeling acared. ypu unconsiously searched for it. it made you feel aafe. hanging out behind fences houses alley ways as a kid. addreanline junkie. my brother cant face it but out of love i told him the truth and he will face it when he is ready

i have planted the bodhi seed for my brother

sexual shame to feel horny. like in bdsm getting tied up and paralyzed would be like getting raped as a child. what actually deeply turns on u r afraid of. like u probably are afraid that you enjoyed some aspect of it as a child. you are ashamed of feeling sexual. to provoke any kind of sexuality.